Small Victories

About a week ago, I set out to write a post about what I have begun to recognize as the small victories in my life. I wanted to write about how I used to always sigh longingly when I heard classical music, lamenting my lack of time to play my violin, and how one day I came home and loaded all of my classical music CDs onto my iPod and set the radio station in my car to NPR. Now I hear at least a bit of my beloved strings every day, and even when my drive to school doesn't coincide with a classical broadcast, the intelligent reporting of domestic and world events leaves me feeling that the time was well spent in a way that updates on celebrities' lives on my old radio stations just didn't.

I wanted to write about the fact that Tay and I have managed to establish a habit of attending a spinning class every Sunday morning at 9:15; about how, after joining a new gym, we have (with the help of some personal training sessions) transformed the way we work out. I never thought that we would spend an hour lifting weights together or challenge ourselves to a series of sprints on the elliptical machines, but we do now. Regularly.

But over this past week - that pre-holiday, 3-day school week that was filled with nothing more substantial than holiday parties during childhood but now allows the curriculum to continue full-force until Santa is just about ready to drop down the chimney - I have been discouraged, disheartened, cranky. I realized yesterday that I was not nearly as excited for Christmas as I usually am. (Before you get alarmed, keep in mind that my usual level of excitement rivals that of an entire classroom of kindergarteners, so I'm probably still far ahead of the curve on this one.)

Why? I have boatloads of work to catch up on just to stay on top of my current class, when I had really wanted to devote my 10-day break to reading, writing and editing more of my short stories, and relaxing. Our apartment is begging to be cleaned, and Tay already does more than his fair share of the housework on top of his busy schedule, so I am determined to help out. And I am continually frustrated by my waning drive and level of concentration and by the fact that I have not yet been able to alter my sleep schedule to what I know would be healthier and more efficient. In total I've been feeling pretty blah.

Then yesterday I looked around our apartment, beyond the clutter and dust, and took in our adorable little Christmas tree sitting on our new shelves, surrounded by the glittering gifts that we have carefully picked out for one another and for our families and that we made time to wrap with love and care. I saw the funny, oversized birthday card that I received last Saturday when my friends came out literally in a blizzard to throw a surprise party for me. And I reflected on the wonderful pre-Christmas dinner that we shared with Tay's mom and her boyfriend on Sunday night. And I realized that I could still sit down today and write about small victories.

Merry Christmas everyone!